Aspera blog
Check out our blogs for more in depth resources on trauma/ EMDR and how to navigate your most challenging relationship issues.
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Healing through Storytelling
When we experience a traumatic or overwhelming event, our brains are not able to integrate the experience the way it does in a state of calm. The memory may end up feeling foggy and fragmented, or certain aspects of the memory might feel really vivid, almost like you are relieving it while losing other parts of what happened.
Attachment Styles: A Summary
As humans, we need to be attached to others in order to thrive. Studies have shown that being attached to a partner in a healthy and stable relationship lowers your blood pressure and can add years to your life. Likewise, staying in an unhappy relationship will raise your blood pressure and threaten your health and longevity.
Male Depression: Overt and Covert
As we mentioned last week, men account for 80% of suicides. But men are also much less likely to admit struggling with their mental health and to seek help for it.
Narcissistic Abuse: When Men Are the Victims
When most of us think of a narcissist, we think of a man. But men can also be the victims of narcissistic abuse. Their perpetrators can still be men, like their fathers, bosses or partners, but anyone can be narcissistically abusive and anyone can be a victim of narcissistic abuse.
How PTSD & Narcissistic Relationships Go Hand in Hand
“For the narcissist – reality is an aggression.” — Dr. Frank Yeomans
Communication Styles in Relationships
Communication is a common pitfall for relationships. We all have different ways of engaging in different circumstances and when we are faced with miscommunications or outright disagreement and conflict, our nervous systems become on high alert and often result in our communication styles betraying our true intentions.
Common Misconceptions about Meditation
There seems to be this idea that being good at meditation is being able to sit for long periods of time and fully clear your mind. This is not the case and often makes people give up on meditation before they even give themselves the opportunity to benefit from it. Meditation is more about shifting our awareness to a state of curiosity than it is about emptying our mind.
Divorcing a Narcissist: Challenges and Tips
Making the decision to divorce a narcissist is hard enough in and of itself. You have likely already been through years of gaslighting and emotional abuse causing you to question your sanity and becoming a shell of the person you once were. If you have made the choice to leave- congratulations. You are doing an amazing job and have come really far in order to get here.
The Power of Saying No
So you’ve realized you’re codependent and now you’re not sure what to do about it? Codependency happens when we take on responsibility for others’ feelings. This is accompanied by an abandonment of our own feelings.
Loneliness Can Be Healthy
We’ve probably all experienced feeling lonely in our relationships. Sometimes the feeling of loneliness is worse in a relationship than actually just being alone. But there’s another type of loneliness that can happen in relationships. And it’s a healthy one.
I Am Interested in EMDR but Don’t Really Know How It Works.
Are you curious about EMDR but not really sure what it is or how it can help? Here is how we typically break it down for people:
Feeling Sadness and Remaining Differentiated
Narcissists are often drawn to very caring, nurturing people who are willing to put their own needs aside to care for others. This is part of the reason that people remain in narcissistic relationships for so long. In order to set some healthy boundaries or leave the relationship, you are often forced to end up acting in ways that feel very outside of your personality.
Facing Your Codependency
Codependents are people who learned that their needs don’t matter and are therefore focused on the needs of others. Problems arise when codependents focus so much on others that their self-neglect becomes detrimental to their own wellbeing and, as a result, their relationships suffer as well.
The Trap of Not Dealing With Your Codependency
Codependency doesn’t seem that bad. Usually codependents are lovely people and people love them. They are caregivers and fixers – always putting others before themselves. The obvious pitfall is if they always put others before themselves, who is taking care of them?
I Love My Partner. Why Did I Blow Up My Life Like This?
Most content about infidelity is about the partner who was betrayed, and for good reason. However, it is also important for the person who did the betrayal to have a safe place to explore their behavior and investigate their story if this is something that they are willing to do. If you find that you are the one who did the cheating and are now feeling the overwhelming weight of remorse and confusion about your own decision, this might be for you.
I Have Heard About Eye Movements but What Is EMDR Therapy?
I know that EMDR uses eye movements but I don’t really know anything else about it. Does this sound like you? If so, you are in the right place!
Managing Your Relationship With a Narcissist
So you’ve identified someone in your life has toxic behavior and you think it’s likely they are a narcissist, but you want to make it work? There’s nothing inherently wrong with staying in a relationship with a narcissist, but it does take work.
Codependency Through a Biological Lens
If you have been following along for a bit, you know that we often talk about codependency being a protective reaction to not having our attachment needs met in childhood. We find it is often helpful to think about it this way…
Attachment Styles in Sexual Relationships
There are three main styles of attachment: secure, anxious and avoidant. They are established in childhood and then show up in our relationships throughout our lives. Today, we’re talking specifically about different attachment styles in our sexual relationships. It’s important to keep in mind that like most things, attachment exists on a spectrum.
Overcoming Generational Trauma
Generational trauma includes physical, psychological and sexual abuse, effects of substance use and abuse, and effects of living with personality disorders and mental illness. It can happen through direct experience, witnessing violence, or living with a constant threat of violence.