Aspera blog
Check out our blogs for more in depth resources on trauma/ EMDR and how to navigate your most challenging relationship issues.
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I Love My Partner. Why Did I Blow Up My Life Like This?
Most content about infidelity is about the partner who was betrayed, and for good reason. However, it is also important for the person who did the betrayal to have a safe place to explore their behavior and investigate their story if this is something that they are willing to do. If you find that you are the one who did the cheating and are now feeling the overwhelming weight of remorse and confusion about your own decision, this might be for you.
I Have Heard About Eye Movements but What Is EMDR Therapy?
I know that EMDR uses eye movements but I don’t really know anything else about it. Does this sound like you? If so, you are in the right place!
Managing Your Relationship With a Narcissist
So you’ve identified someone in your life has toxic behavior and you think it’s likely they are a narcissist, but you want to make it work? There’s nothing inherently wrong with staying in a relationship with a narcissist, but it does take work.
Codependency Through a Biological Lens
If you have been following along for a bit, you know that we often talk about codependency being a protective reaction to not having our attachment needs met in childhood. We find it is often helpful to think about it this way…
Attachment Styles in Sexual Relationships
There are three main styles of attachment: secure, anxious and avoidant. They are established in childhood and then show up in our relationships throughout our lives. Today, we’re talking specifically about different attachment styles in our sexual relationships. It’s important to keep in mind that like most things, attachment exists on a spectrum.
Overcoming Generational Trauma
Generational trauma includes physical, psychological and sexual abuse, effects of substance use and abuse, and effects of living with personality disorders and mental illness. It can happen through direct experience, witnessing violence, or living with a constant threat of violence.
How Do I Know if My Boss Is a Narcissist?
Narcissism is incredibly insidious by nature. It shows up in all kinds of relationships including the workplace. Someone does not have to be diagnosed with NPD in order to be displaying significant traits of narcissism in a relationship.
I Want to Hold a Boundary but I Feel So Mean!
Navigating a relationship with a narcissist is extremely draining. It takes so much physical, mental, and emotional strength to confront them, hold boundaries, and maintain clarity that it is often easier to tap out. If this is you please know you are not alone and we have some ideas that might help…
Attachment Styles and Where We Learned Them
Attachment style is another way of understanding how we show up in relationships. It’s rooted in our childhood experiences with our parents and determines how we interact with our romantic partners.
Carrying Trauma That Is Not My Own
One of the common misconceptions about marriage and family therapists is that we only treat couples and families. While we do have training in working with couples and families and hundreds of clinical hours required to apply for licensure as LMFT’s, the title is really more about our conceptualization of cases than the number of people in the room.
Narcissist-Codependent Relationships: The Toxic Yin-Yang Cycle
Typically where you find a narcissist, you will find a codependent. So if you’re googling “is my partner a narcissist?” yes, they probably are. And you could also be looking at what that means about you.
Codependency Recovery: Life on the Other Side of Codependency
We know that codependency can have a negative or even shaming connotation with it. The image is usually of a weak person who is not able to defend themselves. The reality is that people who end up becoming codependent are typically very kind, warm, compassionate people who have learned over time that their needs don’t matter.
Establishing Expectations in Romantic/Sexual Relationships: Conversations to have
We talk a lot about issues in relationships, like infidelity. Why is infidelity so prevalent when couples have agreed upon rules and expectations in their relationships?
Checking in on You: Did you survive the holidays?
So the holidays have come and gone- how are you doing? A lot of times the holidays can bring to light issues we have been dealing with for a long time but have pushed off getting help about.
Unmasking a Narcissist: How to Identify Covert Narcissist Traits and Navigate Toxic Dynamics
True narcissists are not interested in or even capable of real self-reflection. And definitely not change.
Thriving Through the Holidays: Taming Your People-Pleasing Tendencies
People pleasing is such a tricky thing to navigate. Especially over the holidays! There are so many people's expectations to manage and we can get so lost in those demands that we totally lose ourselves and end up not enjoying the season.
Navigating Infidelity During the Holidays: The Support You Actually Need
Whether the infidelity was first revealed around the holidays or you are living through one of the many “firsts” in the aftermath of finding out, it can be an incredibly painful season. One of the hardest parts for many people is the social stigma and expectations in the aftermath of an affair.
Breaking Free from the Narcissistic Cycle
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be extremely traumatic. Narcissistic abuse is an insidious and crazy-making cycle that keeps the relationship sick and seriously injures the victim’s sense of self-worth.
Narcissistic Tendencies vs. Full-Blown Narcissist: What To Watch For
Narcissism exists on a spectrum and it can be helpful to identify if your partner has narcissistic tendencies. If they do, it doesn’t mean that they are a full-blown narcissist.
Surviving the Holidays with a Narcissist: Essential Tips to Keep Your Sanity
Dealing with the narcissist in your life is absolutely draining, especially over the holidays! Here are some things to remember.