A Kinder Approach to the New Year
Many of us see the new year as a time for reflection about the past and resolution for the future. But we're often too hard on ourselves—both for what's behind us and what lies ahead.
So as we step into this new year, what if we tried a warmer reflection?
"I did the best I could with what I had this past year."
And a kinder approach to the future: "What can I give myself this year that will feel welcome and warm?"
Finding Your Best Version
If you've decided you weren't the best version of yourself this past year, that's okay. You can try again.
The best version of ourselves emerges when we're in alignment with our morals, values, beliefs, and emotional realities. When we're out of alignment, we experience anxiety, self-doubt, and unrest in various aspects of our lives. The question becomes: how do we get back into alignment?
Let Yourself Off the Hook
Start by letting yourself off the hook for past mistakes. When we cling to what we think we should have done differently, what others did to us, or how we should or shouldn't be, we're doing ourselves a disservice. Instead, learn from your reflections and move forward.
Allowing ourselves to be flawed is difficult. Most of us are quick to notice our flaws—we're experts at being unkind to ourselves. But if we can acknowledge our flaws and take them in stride, we can actually move past them.
How to Let Yourself Off the Hook
Practice daily mantras and gratitude.
Research shows that when we spend time thinking positive thoughts, our reality becomes more positive. It's the "fake it til you make it" approach—say nice things to yourself until you start to believe them. Try phrases like "I am worthy just the way I am," "It will be okay," "I have power," or "I am grateful for..."
Acknowledge what's hard, then practice letting go.
This works like meditation. You're focused on your breathing when suddenly you remember something you forgot to do this morning. Notice that thought and watch it drift by like a cloud in the sky.
"I can't believe I didn't get the bonus I was expecting. I feel so wronged and undervalued." Notice the thought. Allow the feeling. Then practice: "Yes, I feel awful about that. And now, just for this moment, I'm going to choose to let it go and focus on something else."
The Journey to Alignment
Our minds are powerful tools. Some days these practices come easily. Other days we can't do them at all. That's okay—it's all part of the journey toward becoming someone who can hear and respect themselves and reach greater alignment.
When you can acknowledge your flaws without letting them derail you, you can move forward. You can make different choices, feel better about them, or simply keep growing and figuring it out as you go.
January can be a time of reflection and desire for change. It can also be a time to be gentle with yourself. Take your time. Slow down. Get back to basics. Breathe.
Resources
More on Self-compassion
